How to write bad poetry
So you've decided to crown yourself with a title that a million people (like you (yes, like you!)) Are awarded every day. Some people believe that giving yourself that title is equivalent and just as monetarily beneficial as appointing yourself Queen of England. But, there is no grace, rarely enough publicity, and only the title of Court Jester seems to become something for you because you are a fool among others.
What is this sacred title? Poet.
Why does calling yourself a "poet" make you a fool? Well, it doesn't, not in itself. But if it has only been published online, never printed, that could be a sign of your deserved foolish state. To be frank, that's a sign that you write bad poetry.
Why would these sites accept your work if it sucked? Perhaps to increase your quota, perhaps to get more submissions of the site's particular interest, but primarily to HAVE something to post, most (but not all) sites are desperate for submissions. Or maybe they are looking for a profit. Come on, which of us has NOT accepted something from the National Poetry Library, and then got all the expensive product brochures with our work?
The problem of Webmaster vs. Editor: Go to any website, check it out. Can you find someone with the title of Webmaster? How about editor? Or, still still, Webmaster AND Editor? A webmaster does not mean, in any way, Editor. Just because someone is a webmaster (someone who controls the site, updates publications, etc.) does not mean that the person is an EDITOR (someone who corrects the work, corrects, rewrites, rewrites, etc.) of the work published in the site. In many cases, webmasters masquerading as publishers are giving real publishers a bad name. A webmaster too often will post presentations "as is" and will not care about the content or presentation. However, if a site has someone who can edit and be a webmaster, then the site is moving in the right direction.
This is the main source of the problem. Building a website and getting work "published" on a website is so easy for anyone talented or not that it devalues the word "published" and diminishes the role of an editor.
Granted, the Internet IS a great marketing tool to promote your work, put your name in the public eye, and gain writing experience, but have you ever wondered why your work is ONLY published online? Maybe it's because no insightful EDITOR has ever seen your poems dribbly, except surfing the web for bad poems to laugh at.
Here are some tips to help you publish your work online. Hey, I thought that if you were going to be a fool for publishing your unpolished work on the Internet for the world to see, I would give you some tips to help your bad poetry continue like this, since it seems that you like better way:
Put the word "Love" in your title. That is a great advantage!
Be direct, do not use symbols, metaphors or anything that makes the reader think. Readers don't have time to think.
Focus on the form: (sonnets, villanelles, haiku). As you think in form, write in form.
Keep your poem in a rhyming scheme. Why? Well, EVERYONE knows that all GOOD poems rhyme, the rest can be dismissed as a postmodern disaster!
Just write in YOUR point of view. Write exactly what you think, never try to portray someone else's image. Better yet, start the poem with "I."
Keep your poems untitled. Readers love to be creative and imagine what the title should and could be.
Write in the same place. If you write in your room, always write there; If you write outside under a tree, always write there, why try variety and ruin something good?
Never base a character on a poem on someone you really KNOW. Heaven forbids you to publish the article and have to explain to the person: "this is you".
Read, but if you don't like a poem or a poet, just throw it away. Don't even wonder why you don't appreciate work.
They have no structure. Poetry is about unlimited expressions, right? So in that sense, make your lines and stanzas as long as you want. Just write exactly how you feel!
Don't keep a journal. The newspaper causes too much self-reflection and you want to write for now, not yesterday.
Use cliches as much as possible. People like to read familiar phrases.
Not all the lines of a poem are important. Just make sure you have a good first and last line.
14. Poems do not progress, that is the difference between a story and a poem. The poems are not supposed to take you on a journey to learn.
Submit your poems only to websites. That way, you will never have to face the fact that your poetry sucks, because it will only be read by the friends and family to whom you give the site URL, and your friends will never tell you that reading your poetry is more torture than letting a small guinea pig, with sharp claws, walk on its sunburned fur.
If you follow these guidelines and start writing, you will be a "poet" in no time. Remember that poetry HAS to rhyme, and remember that the less you practice, the better off you will be.
Jokes aside: You may want to try doing the exact opposite of the "tips" listed. And since many webmasters (who are graduating as publishers) are not doing their job, it's up to you to learn how to edit your work before you are embarrassed.
Posts
